That toe-tapping time [in be]tween

The Bible is a lot like Facebook.

Perhaps that statement requires a bit of explanation, lest you think I believe Moses had a timeline and posted daily selfies with captions like "Struck a rock today and a fountain came pouring out. #waterbender".

Let me rephrase. The stories I read throughout the old and new testaments can evoke the same emotions I feel when scrolling through my Newsfeed on Facebook.

Picture this: as I sit in front of my computer, chewing my nails to stubs while trying to fill out one more job application or figure out one more contingency plan in case something else falls through, my fingers somehow find their way to that gargantuan behemoth of a website in the obscure hope that the elusive words or thoughts I am looking for will be mysteriously hidden among the instagrammed pictures of food and overabundance of updates from Spotify. Scrolling through the posts reveals many words and thoughts, but not necessarily the ones I want to see.

This friend just accepted a position at a prestigious hospital!
This friend is going backpacking across Europe for four months!
This friend is going to graduate school!

I am truly happy for them, and yet discouraged at the same time. Why aren't these great, awesome things happening for me, too? Compared to the news from my friends and family, my life is so static, slow, and ineffective.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There is a huge red flag right there. "Compared to the news..."
Compared to what news? What kinds of things do people post on the internet? Well I can tell you what they don't post. They don't talk about the two hours they spent cleaning. Or the half an hour they spent on hold with the insurance company. Or the grounds they spilled on the counter this morning while trying to start the coffee pot in the dark. Basically, the boring, monotonous things that happen to everybody all the time.
I wind up comparing my everyday, minute-by-minute, behind the scenes life with the glowing highlights of everyone else's.

Bad news bears.

So how is this like the Bible again? Right, I'm supposed to be making a point.
Consider the stories that we learn in Sunday School.
God promised Abraham he would become the father of a great nation, a multitude of people. And he did! He and Sarah had Isaac, who had Jacob, who had twelve sons, who then started the tribes of Israel.
Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers, but he became second in command of all of Egypt and saved his family from a famine.
Moses became the leader of the Israelites,  following God's call to take them out of Egypt, and he performed many miracles through God's power.
Jesus had an incredible ministry, demonstrating God's love to us and showing us, through words and actions, how to live as a part of God's kingdom on earth. Then he conquered death in a final, resounding strike that echoed across every age and nation!

YEAH, GOD. I'm PUMPED. I'm READY. Let's go!

....Ready, go.

... ...Go?

...now?

And nothing happens. For a while. So I become discouraged when I'm not parting Red seas or raising people from the dead between raising my dead-weight body from the mattress and parting my bagel for the toaster oven. Am I missing something here?
Yeah, yeah you are, April. Let's go back and revisit some of those stories.

God promised Abraham he would become the father of a great nation.
God did this. And Abraham became the father of the Israelites.
And when did the nation of Israel begin?
Well, after Abraham was dead. The twelve tribes of Israel came from the twelve sons of Jacob who didn't even consider procreating until old Abe was long gone. Oh, yeah. What about Isaac, his promised son? Surely that had to have happened in his lifetime. In fact, God promised Abraham that he would give him a son and Isaac was born.... 25 years later. Abraham waited for God to fulfill his promise for a period of time that was longer than my entire life.

Joseph became second in command and saved his family from a famine.
Joseph did awesome things. He saved entire countries from starvation, became a powerful and wise leader, and displayed an upright and gracious spirit toward his family, forgiving them for the wrongs they committed against him. But before all of that happened, he was a slave. He spent years in prison.
We can see the story in its entirety. We can look back on the event's of Joseph's life and connect all the pieces, seeing the hand of God in everything that happened. But when Joseph was right in the middle of it all, he couldn't see the end! He didn't know what was coming! For 13 years, he faithfully trusted God in suffering and waited on God to reveal the plan and the purpose.

I could talk more about how Moses hid in the desert for 40 freaking years before he even started leading the Israelites or how Jesus spent the first 30 years of his life waiting for his Father to give the okay to start his ministry, but I think you get the point.
The accomplishments these men achieved with the power and help of God shine out brightly from the pages of my Bible, and the brilliance of their high points often distract me from the years they spent waiting or the hardships they suffered. The Bible is so concise, that sometimes it is hard to feel the full impact of what it means to spend 25 YEARS waiting on God to fulfill a promise. What was it like for Abraham to wake up in the early morning hours, walk out of his tent, and wonder in anticipation if this was the day that Sarah would announce, "I'm pregnant, love!" What frustrated thoughts ran through his mind as he smeared goat cheese on his falafel when it was not that day yet again?

This morning, as I sit on my couch with my cup of coffee, listening to my refrigerator hum and my roommate get ready for the day in the bathroom, I am waiting.

I'm waiting on God.

Yesterday, at 8:53 AM Eastern Daylight Time on April 24, 2013, I turned in my very last college final exam, which marked the end of my undergraduate career. The end to a 4 year era of nursing school.
What is supposed to come next is very vague and undefined. God has clearly called me to pursue a certain path after graduation, but he didn't exactly give me an itinerary or a how-to instruction manual. So I'm stuck in my breath by breath, minute-to-minute real time life, unable to see the end result and trusting in God that he knows what is going on.

I think that God is an optimizer, though. He uses the time we spend waiting to make us ready for what is coming in the future. Abraham and Joseph and Moses and Jesus didn't wallow in their waiting! They didn't sit idly by and say, "Well, God's got big things planned for me in the future, so I'm just going to hang out until it comes." No! They passionately and purposefully sought after God, allowing him to transform them into people who were prepared and equipped to do the things that He had for them to do.

They were faithful in their waiting, and God was faithful in his promises.

So I'm taking encouragement from them this morning, and making a commitment to not waste the waiting. I'll let God use me, shape me, and mold me while I anticipate what he has set in place for the years ahead. I'll be fully present in each moment to grow into the right person for the job.

And when the time comes, I won't hesitate, but will step forward in courage and excitement, cause I've been looking forward to this for a long time.

"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

This is the Flip Side

Every once in a while, a moment happens in a person's life when everything changes.

Sometimes, a person can feel the presence and power of God so keenly and intimately that the hair on the back of his neck stands up and tears involuntarily stream down his laughing, uplifted face.

The world explodes in a revelation of understanding, and you cannot comprehend how you didn't see it before. The facts in your head didn't change, but the way you perceive them made a fundamental shift in perspective, like the difference between black and white and color.

Suddenly, my picture of heaven and eternal worship sounds like a cacophony of Spanish, Creole, English, and hundreds of languages harmoniously interwoven and looks like a tapestry of beautifully contrasting skin side by side with arms and hands lifted in praise to Jesus.

Welcome to the DR, April.
Welcome to a world where the reality of how small and insignificant you actually are is acutely evident, and yet the enormity of God's incomprehensible love for you is reinforced to such a degree that you cannot force your face to stop smiling. My heart was so full that I literally could not hold it in. Every part of me longed to spill love out on other people.
That is the way to live!
Wow.

Would you like to take a minute or two and hear about what happened?
Here we go.

Saturday, March 2 - Day 1
Travel is both exciting and exhausting.
Day 1 started at 2:00 in the morning in Indiana and didn't end until 9:00 at night on the Students International base in Jarabacoa. 1.5 hours in a van to Indianapolis, 2 hours to Newark, 4 hours in an airport waiting room, 4.5 hours over the Atlantic ocean, and 3 hours in a bus up through the island mountains equals 20 worn out and sleep deprived travelers.
Thankfully, our hosts knew just what we needed and sent us straight to bed.
My thoughts as the day ended:
"I felt helpless and stupid, not sure of what I was doing or where I was going. I've never had problems communicating with other people before. I've never been in a place where the primary language was not my own. It's awkward and uncomfortable. I don't think I ever really thought it through before. 
I feel very out of place in this world where nothing makes sense, funeral houses are painted in light baby blue, and dozens of people cram into the back of a pick-up truck while trash swirls around the tightly winding streets."

Sunday, March 3 - Day 2
Part of our team went to a Haitian church for Sunday worship. I couldn't understand a word anyone was saying, but the joy on the people's faces as they sang praise to God was so infectious!
In the afternoon, we had a crash course on the history of the Dominican and Haitian people and learned more about the culture of the country
"It's been a day of meeting new people and making new friends.
I just love people. I love learning about others and connecting with them in new ways. My heart was so full today. It's not about me, guys, it's not about me."

Monday, March 4 - Day 3
"Birds sing, roosters crow, and cars rattle past on the busy road as the sleepy tropical sun rises behind the mountains, illuminating the palm trees and overcast skies of this beautiful island. The air is cool and fresh, refreshing and invigorating as the breeze blows across the bare skin on my arms. I can hear the kitchen staff chattering happily among themselves in Spanish, and the delicious scent of breakfast wafts across the air, tempting my empty stomach.

As I sit and ponder my surroundings and circumstances, my heart is full to bursting with wonder and gratitude. Who am I that God would see fit to bless me with such an experience and adventure as this?"
The first day of the week brought an exciting start as I met my site leader, her translator, and the four other students I would be working with closely over the next five days. My site leader runs a community health clinic in Jarabacoa, providing health care to people who cannot afford the services of a hospital. In addition to an office in the city, she also runs traveling clinics out in the outlying rural mountain communities. We stayed in her office for the day, getting to know each other and seeing a few patients throughout the day.

Tuesday, March 5 - Day 4
My site group traveled up the mountain to our first rural clinic for the week.

"As we bounced along in the jeep with our heads brushing the ceiling and fearing every minute that a piece would fall off the bottom of the car, I was struck by the beauty of the land and the poverty of the people. The mountains are breathtaking - green and glorious with a wide variety of tropical plants and trees, ever changing in color under the influence of the piebald sky. There were houses made of wood slabs, covered in dirt and mud, standing adjacent to stables made of cardboard. The whole scene was straight out of a picture and my mind had a difficult time reconciling the discrepancies between the lifestyle of these people and my own way of life back home."

I struggled a lot with the language on our first day out in the mountains.
So many times I felt completely lost and frustrated at my inability to communicate. Even though the day was draining, in the end it was so rewarding as I made progress in understanding others and making myself understood. There is nothing quite like the feeling of seeing the light in someone else's eyes when they comprehend what you are trying to say in your mangled version of their language, your language, and plenty of universal hand gestures.
Tuesday ended with a powerful worship night as God spoke to all of our hearts, whispering to us when we were raw and so ready to hear his voice.

Wednesday, March 6 - Day 5
In the middle of the week, we set up clinic in a Haitian community.

Wednesday holds a very special place in my heart because of our very last patient of the day. She asked my site leader and me if we would pray with her. "Rachel prayed in English and then she [the patient] prayed in Spanish. It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I was crying by the end. This woman, this beautiful woman who lives in another world, was praying for me, connecting to the very same god that I worship and after whom I seek. We prayed in different languages and from different backgrounds, but he understood us both and loves us both equally with the same intensity and passion."

In the evening, we were given the incredible opportunity of spending a night in the community, eating dinner in the house of a Dominican family. The dinner we ate is known as the "Dominican flag," the most popular meal in the DR, containing most of the food staples in that country - white rice, beans, chicken, and yucca. We also had cabbage salad and fried eggplant.
IT. WAS. DELICIOUS.
Seriously some of the best food I've ever had in my life.
Their house was amazing. The father of the family we visited built it himself, "poco un poco" for sixteen years.
"Our dinner was such a blessing to me...we played Dominoes to end the night, with lots of laughter and joy. Carlos seranaded us on the guitar in Spanish, and I was overjoyed to feel this connection with such a wonderful family with all the love of God in their hearts.
     We are all people. We are all valued in the heart of God. I am happy. I am so happy.
          And humbled.
               And blessed."

Thursday, March 7 - Day 6
Our last day of traveling clinic.
It was a great day of Spanish practice, and I was amazed at how much progress I made from Monday to Thursday! By the end of the day on Thursday, I was holding very simple (and, I'm sure, painfully slow) conversations with some of the patients while they waited to see Rachel.
We made a house visit to one of the patients in the town - an elderly woman who is one of the most generous, giving, and joyful people I've ever met. Even though she has next to nothing, she kept offering us everything she had!

Our entire site group at clinic on Thursday

Friday, March 8 - Day 7

"In the morning, we took an open flatbed truck up to a waterfall on the side of the mountain. The sight was absolutely astounding, and the drive up was so memorable - standing up in the bed with the breeze blowing in my face and hair, surrounded by the sights, sounds, and smells of the Dominican... We spent the morning reveling in the beauty of God's creation. I climbed up the side of the waterfall along the rocks to sit at the top and take it in. I had forgotten just how much I love to be close to creation, clinging to the rocks and feeling their security, my insignificance, and God's power."

In the afternoon, we traveled back Jarabacoa, to see patients there in Rachel's office. I was sad to see the day end, because it meant the end of the week and the end of my time working with patients in the clinic, but I truly believe that God will bring me back to this country someday, so it is not goodbye so much as it is see you again, God willing.

Saturday, March 9 - Day 8

You can never have enough mountains.

"The glory and splendor of God is so tangibly evident through the beauty of his creation. Our entire team went hiking in the mountains this morning to another waterfall along the river. As the water flowed constantly down the hard, unyielding rock, my heart rejoiced in the moment. I felt so free, so ALIVE, so passionate. The roaring water filled my ears. The pinks, greens, blues, and purples of the rocks danced across my vision, and the rough caresses of the boulders kissed my skin as I scampered across them like an insect in comparison. Jumping into the deep, clear pool, my breath caught in my throat from the shock of the cold water...I wanted to laugh, cry, sing, and dance all in the same moment. I stood on the pinnacle of a boulder and felt my own heart beating in my chest and pounding in my ears. What a powerful reminder of my life, and the frailty of it! 

Ah, rejoice in the Lord, oh my soul! Praise his holy name! The rocks cry out in praise of you, they declare the glory of God!"

We walked around the city in the evening, eating at a Dominican restaurant to end the day, and preparing to leave early the next morning.

Sunday, March 10 - Day 9

Another long day of travel. Day 9 started at 7:20 in the morning in Jarabacoa and ended at 12:30 in the morning the next day in Indiana. My mind was considerably more full than at the beginning of this adventure and my heart rejoiced in all the ways that God revealed himself to me and all the lessons that he taught me throughout the week.

Nine days was all it took.

Nine days when everything changed.

I feel like I've said so much, but I also feel like I haven't said anything at all. I could talk for hours and still not fully explain all the thoughts that I have about everything that happened.

Maybe that's okay. Maybe it will motivate you to go and see for yourself.

The world is a book...

...and those who do not travel read only a page.

Here I am.
On the eve of World Adventure #2.

Many of my friends and family know this, but for those of you who missed the memo on being constantly updated about every detail of my life, I will be escaping from my school-shaped prison traveling to the Dominican Republic for 10 days with a group from my university to work with a missions organization in that country.

Hard to believe it's been less than a year since my trip to the United Kingdom. Two overseas trips in 12 months? This a good pace; I'd like to keep this up for, oh, say forever?
Seriously though, I am blown away by God's generosity and provision toward this young, inexperienced college student with limited resources.

My first expedition out into the world was one of the best periods of my life - my thinking, vision, and attitudes changed; I grew in maturity and as a child of God; I made life-long friends and connections. That initial global contact in the United Kingdom reminds me of the feeling you get when you touch something unexpectedly cold. Fingertips brush the surface, and the icy chill travels like lightning up the arm, across the neck, down the spine, and out through the toes, heightening every sense and imbuing life and energy. It shocks you straight out of your stupor and oblivious ignorance.

I want to think that the same will happen with this trip to the Dominican. However, I have no idea how it will happen or in what form. It would be futile and ridiculous to compare the Dominican with the United Kingdom. Not only are the countries themselves vastly different, but the reasons and motivation behind my excursions are fundamentally different. So, I am attempting to enter this [second world adventure] with an open mind and malleable heart, praying that my Jesus will use me to impact other people, and be eternally changed in return.

Every once in a while, I come across a verse that stands up from the pages of my Bible and slaps me across the face. My cheek is still red and stinging from the open palm of Luke 10:9 -

"Heal the sick who are there, and tell them, 'The kingdom of God is near you.'"

Um, wow. My life's mission, purpose, and desires beautifully, simply, and concisely wrapped up and snugly tucked in to one short verse like a breakfast burrito of good thoughts and Jesus.

     1.) Take care of other people

     2.) Proclaim Jesus and his kingdom

That's all I want to do in my life. That is my passion and my purpose. Love on other people and heal them.

Heal their {bodies} with my hands.

   Heal their {hearts} with my words.

      Heal their {SOULS} with the hope of a Savior that I carry within.

I cannot imagine a better life than that. 

Pray for me.

Please.

In these next ten days, pray that Jesus will bring healing to the people around me. Pray that the kingdom of God will be near to those people. Pray that I will live, breathe, speak, and act this kingdom of God.

When I get back, I'll let you know how it went.

Catch ya on the flip side,

April

Confessions

I confess with my mouth that Jesus is LORD.

And believe in my heart that God raised him from the dead.

I. AM. SAVED.

He is Christ. The Son of God. Savior of the world.

Holy.

Holy.

Holy.

Amen and Amen.

I know the truth. And the truth has set me free.

I. AM. FREE.

Praise his precious name.

Ships and Storms

Picture this:
A ship out on the open water.
Beautiful and delicate, gently bobbing up and down on the rolling ocean swells.
Suddenly, a storm blows through, powerful and oppressive. The strength and might of this storm - the size of the crashing waves, the slyly cutting wind, the currents underneath - overtake the vessel, burying it and submerging it under the water.
This picture is the very definition of the word "Overwhelmed". It means to bury or drown beneath a [huge mass], to defeat completely. When you are drowning or defeated by something, that thing consumes your entire mind, heart, and thoughts. It is the only thing you are afraid of, the only thing you think about, the only thing to which you give your allegiance and that commands your attention and directs your actions.

This semester, I have gained a new appreciation for the word Overwhelmed. I have been buried by responsibilities and time commitments. Everyone and everything seems to be vying for chunks of my time, demanding that I give them my full energy and attention. My time is being ripped out of my hands until I'm left with nothing and feeling exhausted and discouraged. It caught me completely by surprise, too. I entered this semester full of high hopes and expectations, beyond excited to dive head-first into my last semester of college. How was I to know that when I hit the water, it would swallow me whole and not let go, holding me down until it feels like I can't breathe? Drowning. Panicking. Fighting for a way to escape. Feeling like, at any second, I could fall to pieces.

This is what happens to me when I allow myself to be eaten away with the stress that is so present and so evident in my life at this time.

But.

When I think about the state of being overwhelmed, I realize that you can really only be that way with one thing at a time. My thoughts can't be filled and my actions directed by two simultaneous masters. I can't be completely submerged by two different things. That's not how it works.
So. What if, instead of drowning and panicking in my own personal storm of stress, worry, and fear, I allow myself to be taken over by God's grace, mercy, goodness, and love? Losing myself completely in the fierceness of His power, the might of His love, and the intensity of His provision? If I am overwhelmed by God, He will be the only one I revere. The only one I think about. The only one to which my heart bows its knee and owes its allegiance. My motivation will no longer come from fear over what seems like an impossible task but from love for a God that meticulously constructed every molecule in my frail human body.

The other day, I went to my Bible for encouragement. Before even opening the covers, I pleaded with God to speak with my heart, because I was [am] weary and afraid.
Tears streamed down my face as I read these precious words:

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in - behind and before;

You have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from you presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you

are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and

wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths

of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

HOW PRECIOUS TO ME are your thoughts,

O God!!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand,

When I awake,

I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against

you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

SEARCH ME, O GOD, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

In that moment, I was truly overwhelmed by God. There was nothing and no one else in my thoughts. Who is this God?! This God that has the cares of the world on his mind - billions of people crying out in the pain of their humanity - and yet still cares enough about me to direct my attention to this LOVE LETTER of peace found in the psalms that soothes my deepest anxieties. 

Will those responsibilities go away? No. Will that stress dissipate? Not likely. But I will not allow it to defeat me completely. I will not allow it to consume my life and become my master. I will carry the peace and presence of God in my heart, letting the joy and love of Christ bowl me over and dictate my actions.

Update:
It is now nearly a week after I wrote this post, and things have settled down slightly. I'm still as busy as ever, but I feel more peaceful and capable of completing the tasks laid out for me to do. I'm updating this because I was reading the Psalms again this morning and found this absolute gem, which reminded me of what I had written here last Friday:

Psalm 107:23-32

"Others went out on the sea in ships;

they were merchants on the mighty waters.

They saw the works of the LORD,

his wonderful deeds in the deep.

For he spoke and stirred up a tempest 

that lifted high the waves.

They mounted up to the heavens and

went down to the depths;

in their peril their courage melted away.

They reeled and staggered like drunken

men;

they were at their wits' end.

Then they cried out to the LORD in their 

trouble,

and he brought them out of their

distress.

He stilled the storm to a whisper;

the waves of the sea were hushed.

They were glad when it grew calm,

and he guided them to their desired

haven.

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his

unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men.

Let them exalt him in the assembly of the 

people

and praise him in the council of the 

elders.

God. is. so. good.

Wanderlust

Wanderlust. [n.] 1. An overwhelming desire or irresistible impulse to travel.

By most definitions, I am hardly a well-traveled person. My experience with the world outside the five-state sphere of the Midwest is limited at best. However, the pitifully scarce number of stamps in my passport and my lack of frequent flier miles is not an accurate representation of the desire in my heart for adventure.

The dread finals week begins in just 2 days, and my social media stream is beginning to show evidence of friends who, for various reasons, are graduating once the massacre is said and done. While I’m happy for them and extremely proud of their hard-earned achievement, their constant reminders of this impending life change only magnifies the reality of my own approaching graduation.

140. Do you know what that number means? That is the number of days left for me to spend in this safe, protective environment known as the private Christian college. April 27, 2013 will be the culmination of everything I have slaved for and cried about and stressed over for the past four years as I stride proudly across the chapel auditorium stage, shake Prez Smith's hand, listen to Umfundisi say something sentimental, and finally grasp that ridiculously expensive piece of paper. After that pre-ordained date, I will be unequivocally free, absolutely and definitively let loose on the world. The mere thought of moving on to something totally unknown and unexplored sets my heart to racing and my mind to humming with all the possibilities.

In my entire life, I have never been this free. When I moved on from high school, college was the expected next move. My parents both attended college, and so did my older sister. Considering that my desired career is nursing, higher education is kind of necessary. Now that education is done, what comes next is completely unmapped and unplanned. I could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone.

Has there ever been something that you just couldn’t stop thinking about? No matter what the situation or circumstance, that one thing was always in the back of your mind, brushing against the fringes of your subconscious?

On the edges of my imagination, there is a constantly rolling reel of mountains I haven’t seen, streets I haven’t walked, coffee I haven’t tasted, people I haven’t met, music I haven’t heard. My soul is restless to discover and experience. The world is wide, my fingers itching to dig deep into that swirling pool of sight, sound, color, and life, and find out for myself the richness of it all.

This past May, I went on a trip with my school to the United Kingdom. 10 days was not nearly enough time to fully appreciate the vastness of that small country, but it was enough time for me to lose my heart forever to the rolling hills and vibrant colors of the British countryside.

This was the only international encounter I have had. Nevertheless, it set my heart on fire with a wanderlust that has been burning ever since. I cannot shake this vacuum that needs to be filled with all that is in the world.

With almost the same intensity as this desire, a stab of fear hits somewhere in the middle of my gut. Thoughts plague my mind.

What if I can’t do it?

What if I’m not cut out for this?

What if I never again leave the Midwest?

What if I fail.

Maybe I won’t ever leave. Maybe the plans that God has for me don’t include all the fantastic ideas that I have for myself. Maybe that’s okay. Could it be that his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts? That sounds slightly familiar. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

But maybe my deepest desires align with the plans he has for me in the future. Maybe he gave me those passions in order to fulfill the purpose I am called to complete. And the possibility of failure? Maybe his grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Either way, I will trust in my God and live each moment in this journey with him to the utmost abandon. Because, let’s be honest, whether I travel to all the countries or none at all, each minute spent walking with God is an adventure in itself. And that’s an adventure I can have every single day.