Ships and Storms

Picture this:
A ship out on the open water.
Beautiful and delicate, gently bobbing up and down on the rolling ocean swells.
Suddenly, a storm blows through, powerful and oppressive. The strength and might of this storm - the size of the crashing waves, the slyly cutting wind, the currents underneath - overtake the vessel, burying it and submerging it under the water.
This picture is the very definition of the word "Overwhelmed". It means to bury or drown beneath a [huge mass], to defeat completely. When you are drowning or defeated by something, that thing consumes your entire mind, heart, and thoughts. It is the only thing you are afraid of, the only thing you think about, the only thing to which you give your allegiance and that commands your attention and directs your actions.

This semester, I have gained a new appreciation for the word Overwhelmed. I have been buried by responsibilities and time commitments. Everyone and everything seems to be vying for chunks of my time, demanding that I give them my full energy and attention. My time is being ripped out of my hands until I'm left with nothing and feeling exhausted and discouraged. It caught me completely by surprise, too. I entered this semester full of high hopes and expectations, beyond excited to dive head-first into my last semester of college. How was I to know that when I hit the water, it would swallow me whole and not let go, holding me down until it feels like I can't breathe? Drowning. Panicking. Fighting for a way to escape. Feeling like, at any second, I could fall to pieces.

This is what happens to me when I allow myself to be eaten away with the stress that is so present and so evident in my life at this time.

But.

When I think about the state of being overwhelmed, I realize that you can really only be that way with one thing at a time. My thoughts can't be filled and my actions directed by two simultaneous masters. I can't be completely submerged by two different things. That's not how it works.
So. What if, instead of drowning and panicking in my own personal storm of stress, worry, and fear, I allow myself to be taken over by God's grace, mercy, goodness, and love? Losing myself completely in the fierceness of His power, the might of His love, and the intensity of His provision? If I am overwhelmed by God, He will be the only one I revere. The only one I think about. The only one to which my heart bows its knee and owes its allegiance. My motivation will no longer come from fear over what seems like an impossible task but from love for a God that meticulously constructed every molecule in my frail human body.

The other day, I went to my Bible for encouragement. Before even opening the covers, I pleaded with God to speak with my heart, because I was [am] weary and afraid.
Tears streamed down my face as I read these precious words:

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in - behind and before;

You have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from you presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you

are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,"

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and

wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths

of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

HOW PRECIOUS TO ME are your thoughts,

O God!!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand,

When I awake,

I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!

Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,

and abhor those who rise up against

you?

I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

SEARCH ME, O GOD, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

In that moment, I was truly overwhelmed by God. There was nothing and no one else in my thoughts. Who is this God?! This God that has the cares of the world on his mind - billions of people crying out in the pain of their humanity - and yet still cares enough about me to direct my attention to this LOVE LETTER of peace found in the psalms that soothes my deepest anxieties. 

Will those responsibilities go away? No. Will that stress dissipate? Not likely. But I will not allow it to defeat me completely. I will not allow it to consume my life and become my master. I will carry the peace and presence of God in my heart, letting the joy and love of Christ bowl me over and dictate my actions.

Update:
It is now nearly a week after I wrote this post, and things have settled down slightly. I'm still as busy as ever, but I feel more peaceful and capable of completing the tasks laid out for me to do. I'm updating this because I was reading the Psalms again this morning and found this absolute gem, which reminded me of what I had written here last Friday:

Psalm 107:23-32

"Others went out on the sea in ships;

they were merchants on the mighty waters.

They saw the works of the LORD,

his wonderful deeds in the deep.

For he spoke and stirred up a tempest 

that lifted high the waves.

They mounted up to the heavens and

went down to the depths;

in their peril their courage melted away.

They reeled and staggered like drunken

men;

they were at their wits' end.

Then they cried out to the LORD in their 

trouble,

and he brought them out of their

distress.

He stilled the storm to a whisper;

the waves of the sea were hushed.

They were glad when it grew calm,

and he guided them to their desired

haven.

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his

unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men.

Let them exalt him in the assembly of the 

people

and praise him in the council of the 

elders.

God. is. so. good.