Wanderlust

Wanderlust. [n.] 1. An overwhelming desire or irresistible impulse to travel.

By most definitions, I am hardly a well-traveled person. My experience with the world outside the five-state sphere of the Midwest is limited at best. However, the pitifully scarce number of stamps in my passport and my lack of frequent flier miles is not an accurate representation of the desire in my heart for adventure.

The dread finals week begins in just 2 days, and my social media stream is beginning to show evidence of friends who, for various reasons, are graduating once the massacre is said and done. While I’m happy for them and extremely proud of their hard-earned achievement, their constant reminders of this impending life change only magnifies the reality of my own approaching graduation.

140. Do you know what that number means? That is the number of days left for me to spend in this safe, protective environment known as the private Christian college. April 27, 2013 will be the culmination of everything I have slaved for and cried about and stressed over for the past four years as I stride proudly across the chapel auditorium stage, shake Prez Smith's hand, listen to Umfundisi say something sentimental, and finally grasp that ridiculously expensive piece of paper. After that pre-ordained date, I will be unequivocally free, absolutely and definitively let loose on the world. The mere thought of moving on to something totally unknown and unexplored sets my heart to racing and my mind to humming with all the possibilities.

In my entire life, I have never been this free. When I moved on from high school, college was the expected next move. My parents both attended college, and so did my older sister. Considering that my desired career is nursing, higher education is kind of necessary. Now that education is done, what comes next is completely unmapped and unplanned. I could go anywhere, do anything, be anyone.

Has there ever been something that you just couldn’t stop thinking about? No matter what the situation or circumstance, that one thing was always in the back of your mind, brushing against the fringes of your subconscious?

On the edges of my imagination, there is a constantly rolling reel of mountains I haven’t seen, streets I haven’t walked, coffee I haven’t tasted, people I haven’t met, music I haven’t heard. My soul is restless to discover and experience. The world is wide, my fingers itching to dig deep into that swirling pool of sight, sound, color, and life, and find out for myself the richness of it all.

This past May, I went on a trip with my school to the United Kingdom. 10 days was not nearly enough time to fully appreciate the vastness of that small country, but it was enough time for me to lose my heart forever to the rolling hills and vibrant colors of the British countryside.

This was the only international encounter I have had. Nevertheless, it set my heart on fire with a wanderlust that has been burning ever since. I cannot shake this vacuum that needs to be filled with all that is in the world.

With almost the same intensity as this desire, a stab of fear hits somewhere in the middle of my gut. Thoughts plague my mind.

What if I can’t do it?

What if I’m not cut out for this?

What if I never again leave the Midwest?

What if I fail.

Maybe I won’t ever leave. Maybe the plans that God has for me don’t include all the fantastic ideas that I have for myself. Maybe that’s okay. Could it be that his ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts? That sounds slightly familiar. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

But maybe my deepest desires align with the plans he has for me in the future. Maybe he gave me those passions in order to fulfill the purpose I am called to complete. And the possibility of failure? Maybe his grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Either way, I will trust in my God and live each moment in this journey with him to the utmost abandon. Because, let’s be honest, whether I travel to all the countries or none at all, each minute spent walking with God is an adventure in itself. And that’s an adventure I can have every single day.